3 posts tagged “religion”

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. 3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. 4, Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy." 6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 10. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams. 11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. 14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. 15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. 16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child. 17. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. 18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." 19. Our next song is "Angles We Have Heard Get High." 20. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help. 21. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Since A Conversation with God post, I thought it would be proper to follow with another religious post, but one that would make you smile.

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.

After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.

She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"

"Yes, I'm the chip monk."

Hey, it’s Sunday and here I am in church, just like you asked. Aren’t you proud of me?

What? I didn’t hear that, could you repeat it please?

 

Oh, those are flip-flops, they are really comfortable, and I have about 10 pairs in different colors. I love these things. Wear them all the time.

 

Oh, those are called low-riders. Its what everyone is wearing. It’s a fashion thing. You want me to be cool, don’t you? You don’t want me to stand out like some freak or something?  I know my belly is showing, it’s supposed to show. That’s why the top is short and the pants are low. Like I said, it’s a fashion thing.  It’s just a belly, no big deal.

 

Yeah, my little sister is 5 years old. I think it’s cute that she wants to dress like me. I’m like a role model for her. I’m guess I’m a role model for my Mom too because she dresses like me too. I think it’s kinda gross, you know, because she is pretty old and a Mom and stuff.

 

What about my face? It’s makeup. No my fingernails are not diseased; it’s black fingernail polish. Geez, God, you are not up with the times are you? Don’t you watch TV, go to the movies or read glamour mags or anything like that? You really should, you know, so you could be a modern God and know what’s going on. You could be a really happening God.

 

You know what’s going on. Excuse me, but it doesn’t sound like it by your questions.

 

Yeah, I see that family 3 rows over, what about them? How do they look?

They look like the goody-to-shoes family, hehehe. The Dad is wearing a suit and tie and the Mom and the girls are all wearing dresses. How gross is that.

 

Yeah, they look neat and clean, so what?

 

Do they look respectful?

I don’t know, ummm, I guess.

 

Is your house special?

Yeah, it’s special.

Are you special?

Sure, you are God.

 

So why can’t I dress respectful to come visit you in your house?

I don’t know, I never thought of it like that.

No, it won’t kill me.