What would you attempt to do if you knew you could never fail?
Submitted by BeckyPink.
Break every sports records know to man, for starters
What I find very perplexing is our legal justice system. The approve of the right to abortion of a life inside the mother's womb, which means the mother has the right to kill her baby, yet they, (the Court), will charge a man with double murder if he kills a pregnant women. they are now saying it is murder to kill the baby inside the mother's womb. Don't you find this too hypocritical for rational thought processes? It should be one or the other, preferably, the other, resulting in life. I agree that any mother who doesn't want the baby can give it up for adoption, just don't kill it, please.
What do you have, what do you need and what do you want?
Submitted by Miss Scotch.
What do I have?
I have faith, a loving family, a wonderful life, great friends, good genes, a sense of humor, a beach house, a horse, a dog, a cat, a Porsche and a fabulous boyfriend.
What do I need?
Nothing materialistic. I need a big dose of humility and patience.
What do I want?
I want an engagement ring, a small, yet, sweet wedding, then lots of children. A larger house with stables so I can teach my children to ride. A personal plane to take my children on great trips around the world and last, but not least, two tickets on a space flight to the moon, so my husband & I can make love on the moon. I think that's enough, ending with a climax is perfect.
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1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
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2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut
door.
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3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
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4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
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5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
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6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons,
scissors, labels, etc. . .
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7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping
strategy to be formed.
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8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the
drawer since last visit and collect string.
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9. Remove present from bag.
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10. Remove cat from bag.
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11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
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12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
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13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
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14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
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15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the
paper.
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16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the
present came in.
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17. Place present on paper.
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18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't
reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
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19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent
sticky tape.
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20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape
from cat with pair of nail scissors.
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21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
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22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve
ribbon.
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23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
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24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's
enthusiastic ribbon chase.
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25. Repeat steps 17-24 until you reach last sheet of paper.
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26. Decide to skip steps 17-21 in order to save time and reduce risk of
losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the
right size for sheet of paper.
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27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
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28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
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29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked
room.
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30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to lay out paper
and materials.
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31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and
relock.
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32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear
cat from outside door)
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33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small
area of the toilet, but do your best)
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34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt
through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper.
Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year
as well.
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35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to
make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
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36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with
sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
areas.
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37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on
completing a difficult job.
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38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
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39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious
conclusion.
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40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
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41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.
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Quote of the Century ...and it's only a
single sentence. We should learn this lesson and send illegals back to their countries before they overrun us.
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1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. 3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. 4, Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy." 6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 10. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams. 11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. 14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. 15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. 16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child. 17. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. 18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." 19. Our next song is "Angles We Have Heard Get High." 20. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help. 21. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. 24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. |
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If you knew you had one week to live, what would you do, where would you go, who would you see?
Submitted by normatheartist
If I only had one week to live, I would stay home, home is where the heart is. I would throw a big party with all my family and my closest 100 friends. Just kidding about the 100 friends. Maybe 20 friends that I really care about. We would eat, drink and relive many good times. Watch some old videos of different events in our lives. Give away my personal belongings to the people I love. And cry a little because I will miss them.
